Do You Have to Talk During EMDR?

Do You Have to Talk During EMDR?

Short Answer: No. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) does not require you to talk in detail about everything that happened to you. You usually identify what you want to work on and check in at different points during the process, but much of the experience can happen internally. This is one of the ways EMDR differs from traditional talk therapy.

Key Takeaways

• You do not have to tell the full story of a difficult or upsetting experience during EMDR.
• EMDR generally involves some communication or checking in, but it does not depend on talking continuously.
• You can often focus privately on a memory, thought, feeling, or body sensation without describing every detail.
• EMDR is different from traditional talk therapy because the process does not center on discussing an experience at length.
• Self-guided EMDR involves even less need to explain your experience to another person because you move through the process independently.

How Much Talking Happens During EMDR?

There can be some talking during EMDR, but usually not in the way people associate with traditional talk therapy.

At the beginning of the process, you identify what you want to work on. This might be a particular memory, situation, thought, feeling, or belief.

During EMDR, you then briefly focus on that material while using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, alternating sounds, or tapping.

At different points, you may pause and notice what comes to mind or whether anything has changed.

In therapist-guided EMDR, the therapist may ask brief questions between sets. You might describe what you noticed, but you do not necessarily need to explain everything in detail.

With online self-guided EMDR, there is no therapist waiting for you to describe what came up. You can notice your responses privately and continue through the structured process.

Do You Have to Describe Your Trauma in Detail?

No.

One feature that attracts some people to EMDR is that you generally do not have to repeatedly describe a difficult experience in detail.

You need to bring the relevant memory or issue to mind, but knowing what you are thinking about is different from having to explain the entire experience aloud.

For example, you may know exactly which memory you are focusing on without describing:

• Every event that occurred
• Everything another person said or did
• Every emotion you experienced
• Private or embarrassing details
• The complete history surrounding the memory

You can still focus on the experience internally.

That can make EMDR appealing to people who want to work with difficult memories but do not particularly want to spend an entire session talking about them.

People working through childhood trauma may also prefer to keep some parts of a difficult experience private rather than describe every detail aloud.

How Is EMDR Different From Talk Therapy?

Traditional talk therapy generally relies heavily on conversation.

You may describe situations, explore thoughts and feelings, discuss relationships, or talk through experiences with another person.

EMDR uses a different structure.

Although conversation can be part of therapist-guided EMDR, the main process combines focused attention with bilateral stimulation. Rather than spending the entire session discussing the memory, you spend portions of the session noticing what comes to mind while following the EMDR process.

That does not mean one approach is better than the other. They simply work differently.

Some people enjoy talking things through. Others prefer a process that requires less verbal discussion.

What Do You Say During Therapist-Guided EMDR?

In therapist-guided EMDR, you may be asked relatively simple questions such as what you noticed or what is coming up now.

Your answer does not necessarily need to be long.

You might respond with something as simple as:

• “I remembered something else.”
• “I feel calmer.”
• “The memory seems farther away.”
• “Nothing changed.”
• “I noticed tension in my shoulders.”
• “A different thought came up.”

The purpose of these check-ins is not necessarily to tell the entire story. They help guide what happens next in the session.

What If You Don't Want to Say What Came Up?

You may not always want to describe everything you notice.

A memory might feel private. A thought may be difficult to put into words. Or you may simply prefer to keep some details to yourself.

EMDR does not depend on giving a detailed verbal account of every thought, image, or feeling that appears.

In therapist-guided EMDR, you can communicate enough to participate in the process without necessarily sharing every private detail.

With self-guided EMDR, you do not need to explain those thoughts or memories to another person at all.

Can EMDR Work If You Don't Like Talking About Your Feelings?

Not being naturally talkative does not prevent you from participating in EMDR.

You still need to notice what you are experiencing, but noticing something internally is different from having to explain it aloud.

For example, you may recognize:

“I feel nervous when I think about that.”

You do not necessarily need to spend several minutes explaining why you feel nervous unless you want to.

Likewise, you might notice sadness, anger, relief, tension, or no particular emotion at all. The goal is to notice what is happening rather than produce a long verbal explanation.

What If You Don't Know What to Say?

You do not need to come up with the “right” answer.

Sometimes people notice a clear thought or feeling. Other times they may simply notice that nothing obvious has changed.

“Nothing came up” is still an answer.

You also do not need to analyze everything while it is happening. EMDR is not a test of how well you can explain your emotions or memories.

If you are using self-guided EMDR, this can be even simpler because you can pause, notice what is happening internally, and continue without having to translate the experience into words for another person.

Do You Have to Talk During Bilateral Stimulation?

Generally, the focus during bilateral stimulation is on noticing the memory, thought, feeling, image, or sensation you are working with while following the alternating stimulation.

You do not usually need to talk continuously while doing that.

For example, if you are following a moving visual target from side to side, your attention is divided between the movement and what you are noticing internally.

After a set of bilateral stimulation, there may be a pause to check in before continuing.

So EMDR often has a rhythm of focusing, bilateral stimulation, pausing, noticing, and then continuing rather than constant conversation.

What About Self-Guided or Virtual EMDR?

Self-guided EMDR naturally involves less talking because there is no therapist conducting the session in real time.

With Virtual EMDR, the self-guided online program, you move through a structured EMDR process independently. You identify what you want to work on, use the available bilateral stimulation, notice what comes up, and move through the session at your own pace.

You do not have to explain your memories or feelings to another person.

This can provide additional privacy for people who are comfortable working independently or who simply prefer not to discuss every detail of a difficult experience aloud.

The important point is that EMDR can be experienced in different formats. It may be therapist-led in an office, therapist-led remotely, or online and self-guided. Talking requirements therefore depend partly on the format, but detailed storytelling is not the central feature of EMDR.

Do You Have to Say the Memory Out Loud?

No.

You can usually bring a memory to mind without saying the details aloud.

For example, if you are working with an embarrassing experience from school, you know which experience you mean. You do not necessarily need to describe the entire event verbally in order to focus on it.

Likewise, you may identify a thought such as “I wasn't good enough” or a feeling such as embarrassment without explaining the whole story behind it.

The important part is that you know what you are focusing on.

Can You Do EMDR Without Talking About Trauma at All?

It depends on what you mean by “without talking.”

With therapist-guided EMDR, some communication is normally part of the process because the therapist needs to know what you are working on and will check in with you during the session.

But that is very different from having to provide a detailed retelling of a traumatic experience.

With a self-guided program, there may be no need to tell another person about the experience at all. You can identify and focus on the material privately as you move through the structured exercises.

So if your concern is, “Will I have to sit there and tell someone every detail of what happened?”, the answer is no.

Conclusion

You do not have to talk continuously during EMDR, and you generally do not have to give a detailed verbal account of a difficult memory.

In therapist-guided EMDR, there is usually some conversation so you can identify what you are working on and briefly check in during the process. But much of the actual EMDR work involves focusing internally while using bilateral stimulation rather than talking through every detail.

With online self-guided EMDR, the process can be even more private because you do not need to explain your memories, thoughts, or feelings to another person.

For people who dislike repeatedly talking through difficult experiences, this difference can be one of the most appealing features of EMDR.