How Do You Choose a Target for Self-Guided EMDR?

How Do You Choose a Target for Self-Guided EMDR?

Short Answer: An EMDR target is the specific memory, situation, thought, feeling, or belief you want to focus on during a session. For self-guided EMDR, it usually helps to choose something specific rather than trying to work on a broad problem all at once. You also don't have to start with the most difficult experience in your life. A particular moment that still bothers you can be a good place to begin.

Key Takeaways

• An EMDR target is what you choose to focus on during the session.
• A specific memory or situation is usually easier to work with than a broad problem.
• You don't need to choose your most painful or difficult memory first.
• If several memories are connected to the same issue, you can work with them separately rather than trying to address everything at once.
• Your target can change as you learn which experiences seem most relevant to what you want to work on.
• There is no requirement to choose the “perfect” target before you begin.

What Is an EMDR Target?

In EMDR, a target is the particular experience or issue you bring to mind while going through the EMDR process.

Often, the target is a specific memory.

For example, instead of choosing something broad like:

“My breakup.”

You might choose:

“The conversation when we decided to separate.”

Instead of:

“I was bullied in school.”

You might focus on:

“The day a group of kids laughed at me in the cafeteria.”

The second version gives you a more specific experience to work with.

A target can also involve a particular thought, feeling, image, situation, or negative belief connected with what is bothering you.

Start With What You Want to Work On

A simple way to begin is to ask yourself:

“What is bothering me that I would like to feel differently about?”

The answer may immediately bring a particular memory to mind.

Maybe you keep thinking about an argument.

Maybe something embarrassing that happened years ago still bothers you.

Maybe a recent rejection keeps replaying in your mind.

Or perhaps a particular situation makes you anxious because it reminds you of something that happened before.

You don't need a complicated explanation for why the experience still affects you. If something continues to carry emotional weight for you, it may give you a useful starting point.

Specific Targets Are Usually Easier to Work With

Broad concerns often contain many different experiences.

“Work stress,” for example, could include:

• A difficult meeting with your boss
• A mistake you made on a project
• A conflict with a coworker
• Worry about an upcoming presentation
• A previous experience of losing a job

Trying to focus on all of those at once can make it harder to know what you're actually working on.

Instead, you might choose the one particular moment that stands out most.

You can always work on another part of the issue in a different session.

You Don't Have to Start With the Biggest Memory

People sometimes assume that EMDR means immediately finding the most painful experience in their lives.

It doesn't have to work that way.

For self-guided EMDR, you can choose something that feels approachable and relevant to you right now.

That might be a recent argument, an embarrassing memory, a rejection, an uncomfortable interaction, or another experience you would like to feel less bothered by.

You remain in control of what you choose to work on.

There is no prize for selecting the hardest memory first.

What If Several Memories Come to Mind?

That's common when you're thinking about a broader issue.

For example, if you're working on feeling rejected, you might remember:

• A breakup
• Being excluded by friends
• Not getting a job you wanted
• A critical comment from a parent
• Another moment when you felt unwanted

You don't have to decide which memory explains everything.

Choose one specific memory that stands out and work with that.

Other memories can become targets in later sessions if you want to address them.

What If You Don't Know Which Memory Is Most Important?

You don't have to know.

Sometimes one memory clearly stands out. Other times several seem equally relevant.

You might simply choose the one that:

• Comes to mind most often
• Still bothers you when you think about it
• Seems connected to something you're struggling with now
• Feels like a reasonable place to begin

Your first target doesn't have to be the “root cause” of the problem.

You can start with what seems relevant and see where the process takes you.

Can a Current Situation Be an EMDR Target?

Yes.

Sometimes what bothers you most is something happening now rather than a memory from years ago.

For example, you might be anxious about:

• An upcoming presentation
• Seeing someone after a difficult interaction
• Returning to a place connected with an upsetting experience
• Having a difficult conversation
• Facing another situation that brings up a strong reaction

A current situation can provide a useful focus, especially when you can identify the particular part of it that bothers you.

Can a Negative Belief Be Part of the Target?

Yes.

An upsetting experience may be connected with a negative belief about yourself.

For example:

“I'm not good enough.”

“I can't handle this.”

“I'm powerless.”

“I'm a failure.”

You may notice that one of these thoughts seems especially connected to the memory or situation you're working on.

You don't need to force yourself to find a negative belief. If one naturally fits the experience, it can simply be part of what you notice during the process.

What If You Choose the “Wrong” Target?

You generally don't need to worry about choosing a perfect target.

Sometimes you begin with one memory and realize that another experience seems more important.

Or you may discover that the part of the memory bothering you isn't what you originally expected.

That's okay.

Choosing a target is a starting point, not a test you have to get right.

If another issue seems more relevant, you can make that the focus of another session.

Can You Change Targets During Self-Guided EMDR?

Yes.

Self-guided EMDR gives you control over what you choose to work on.

You might decide that you want to continue with the same target over more than one session, move to a related memory, or work on something completely different next time.

You don't have to create a complete list of targets in advance.

Your priorities may become clearer as you go.

Using Virtual EMDR to Choose a Target

Virtual EMDR is a structured, self-guided online EMDR program. As part of the process, the program guides you through identifying what you want to focus on rather than requiring you to plan the entire session yourself.

You choose what you want to work on and manage your own pacing.

If you're deciding between several possible targets, you don't need to solve the whole problem at once. You can begin with one specific experience and work from there.

A Simple Way to Choose Your Target

If you're unsure where to start, try narrowing the issue down in a few steps.

1. Identify what is bothering you.

Maybe it's anxiety about work, a breakup, an embarrassing experience, grief, anger, or something else you would like to work through.

2. Think of a specific moment connected with it.

Rather than focusing on the entire problem, think about one experience that stands out.

3. Notice what part bothers you most.

It might be an image, something someone said, something you did, or simply the way you felt in that moment.

4. Use that specific experience as your starting point.

You don't need to address every related memory in the same session.

You can work on other targets later if they still feel important.

Conclusion

Choosing a target for self-guided EMDR doesn't have to be complicated.

Start with something you would like to feel differently about, then try to narrow it down to a particular memory, situation, thought, feeling, or belief.

You don't have to find the deepest memory, the oldest memory, or the “perfect” target. One specific experience that still bothers you can be enough to begin.

If other memories or issues seem important later, you can work with those separately. The goal is simply to give yourself a clear starting point for the session.