How Should You Treat Uncertain Memories That Arise During EMDR?

How Should You Treat Uncertain Memories That Arise During EMDR?

Short Answer: If an uncertain memory comes to mind during Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), you can acknowledge what you remember without immediately deciding whether every detail is accurate. Human memory is not a perfect recording of the past, and an experience can feel emotionally significant even when some details are unclear. You do not need to search for missing information, reconstruct the event, or determine exactly what happened before continuing. Instead, you can focus on the thoughts, emotions, beliefs, or physical sensations associated with what you remember. EMDR is intended to help process distressing experiences, not verify the historical accuracy of memories.

Key Takeaways

• An uncertain memory should not automatically be treated as either completely accurate or false.
• Memories may contain clearly remembered details alongside information that is incomplete or uncertain.
• A memory feeling vivid or emotionally intense does not prove that every detail happened exactly as remembered.
• You do not need to investigate a memory, fill in missing details, or establish its accuracy during EMDR.
• You can work with the emotions and beliefs connected to an uncertain memory without reaching a factual conclusion about it.
• If a memory remains unclear, you can continue with what you remember, return to your original focus, or choose another experience.

What Is an Uncertain Memory During EMDR?

An uncertain memory is a recollection about which you are not completely sure.

For example, you might remember an uncomfortable conversation from several years ago.

You recall where it happened and how you felt, but you cannot remember the exact words someone used.

You may also be unsure about the order of events or whether you interpreted another person's intentions correctly.

During EMDR, you focus on a memory, thought, feeling, or experience while using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, alternating sounds, or tapping.

As your attention moves between different aspects of the experience, you may become more aware of details you remember clearly and details you are less certain about.

For example, you might notice:

• You remember the general situation but not the exact conversation.
• You remember how you felt but are unsure why the other person acted as they did.
• A particular image comes to mind, but you cannot place it within the sequence of events.
• You remember part of an experience but cannot recall what happened immediately afterward.
• Another memory appears, and you are unsure whether it is connected to your original focus.

These examples involve different kinds of uncertainty.

You do not need to resolve them all before continuing with EMDR.

Why Can Memories Be Uncertain?

Human memory does not function like a video recording that preserves every detail of an experience.

Remembering involves recalling and reconstructing information from the past.

Some details may remain clear for years, while others may become less precise.

For example, you might clearly remember feeling disappointed after an important meeting but have difficulty recalling the order in which people spoke.

You may also remember your interpretation of a situation more clearly than the exact words or actions that led to it.

This is not unique to EMDR.

It is a general feature of how human memory works.

The important distinction is that uncertainty about one detail does not automatically mean the entire memory is inaccurate.

Likewise, feeling confident about a memory does not guarantee that every detail is correct.

A balanced approach is to recognize what you remember while leaving room for uncertainty about what you do not know.

Should You Assume an Uncertain Memory Is True or False?

No. You do not need to make either assumption.

Suppose you remember being criticized during a school activity.

You clearly recall feeling embarrassed, but you are unsure whether the criticism was directed only at you or at several students.

You do not need to conclude that your entire memory is false because one detail is uncertain.

You also do not need to assume that your original interpretation is completely accurate.

You can recognize:

"I remember feeling embarrassed, but I am not certain exactly what was said."

This statement acknowledges your experience without making a claim about details you cannot confirm.

The same approach applies if another memory comes to mind unexpectedly during EMDR.

You can notice the recollection without immediately deciding that it is a factual discovery or dismissing it as meaningless.

The goal is to allow uncertainty where uncertainty exists.

Can You Work With the Feelings Connected to an Uncertain Memory?

Yes. You can focus on the thoughts and feelings associated with a memory even when some historical details remain unclear.

For example, imagine remembering a disagreement with someone close to you.

You may not remember every statement made during the conversation.

However, you clearly recognize the feeling of being misunderstood.

That feeling may still be relevant to what you want to work on.

You might also notice a belief such as:

"I cannot express myself properly."

During EMDR, you can focus on the remembered experience and the thoughts or emotions connected with it.

You do not need to establish the exact wording of the disagreement before addressing your current response.

It is useful to distinguish between two questions:

What exactly happened in the past?

How does remembering this experience affect me now?

EMDR primarily addresses the second question.

The first may remain partly unanswered.

How Should You Respond When an Uncertain Memory Appears?

If you notice a memory you are unsure about during EMDR, you can use a straightforward approach.

1. Notice What Came to Mind

Begin by acknowledging the memory without immediately analyzing it.

For example, you might think:

"I just remembered a conversation from school."

You do not need to decide why the memory appeared or whether it is connected to your original target.

2. Recognize What You Are Unsure About

You can distinguish between the parts you remember and the details that remain unclear.

For example:

"I remember feeling excluded, but I cannot remember exactly what the others said."

There is no need to make the account more complete.

3. Pay Attention to Your Current Response

Notice whether the memory brings up a thought, emotion, belief, or physical sensation.

Perhaps you feel disappointed when remembering the event.

Or you notice the belief:

"I do not matter."

These are aspects of your current experience that you can acknowledge without determining every historical detail.

4. Avoid Filling In Missing Information

You do not need to imagine what someone might have said or repeatedly search for a missing part of the event.

If another detail comes to mind naturally, you can notice it.

However, you do not need to create a complete narrative before continuing.

5. Decide Whether to Continue or Change Your Focus

You may continue with the uncertain memory if its emotional associations feel relevant.

You may also return to your original target, choose another thought or feeling, or pause the session.

The appearance of an uncertain memory does not create an obligation to explore it immediately.

Should You Try to Remember More Details?

No. EMDR does not require you to recover details you cannot currently remember.

For example, suppose you recall an argument from childhood but cannot remember what happened immediately before it.

You do not need to search for an earlier event that might explain the argument.

You can work with the part you remember.

Sometimes an additional detail may come to mind naturally as your attention moves between memories and thoughts.

However, a detail appearing during EMDR does not automatically establish that it is historically accurate.

There is an important difference between noticing something that comes to mind and deliberately trying to reconstruct missing information.

EMDR is not intended to recover hidden facts or create a complete record of the past.

You can work with what is available to you now.

What If a Memory Feels Very Clear but You Are Unsure Whether It Happened?

A memory may feel vivid and convincing without every detail being accurate.

Vividness describes how clearly you experience a memory.

Accuracy concerns whether the details correspond to what actually happened.

These are different qualities.

For example, you might have a clear mental image of someone standing in a particular room.

However, the clarity of that image does not independently establish the person's exact position or what was said during the event.

Similarly, a memory that seems blurry or incomplete is not automatically false.

You can acknowledge the image as something you remember without treating its vividness as proof.

During EMDR, the image may become more or less vivid, and your emotional response may change.

Those changes do not determine the historical accuracy of the memory.

What If a Memory Seems Different From How You Remembered It Before?

Sometimes a familiar memory may feel different as you work with it.

For example, you might begin with a memory of an argument and initially focus on what the other person said.

Later, your attention may shift toward your own response or another part of the conversation.

You may also develop a different interpretation of the experience.

Perhaps you initially thought:

"I was entirely responsible for what happened."

Later, you may recognize that the situation involved several factors beyond your control.

This change in perspective does not necessarily mean the factual details of the memory have changed.

It may mean you are reconsidering the meaning you attached to the experience.

If a particular detail also seems different, you can acknowledge that uncertainty rather than trying to decide immediately which version is correct.

Is an Unexpected Memory the Same as an Accurate Memory?

Not necessarily.

Sometimes a memory you have not thought about for a long time may come to mind during EMDR.

For example, while working with a recent experience of feeling criticized, you may remember a similar experience from childhood.

The childhood memory may feel unexpected because you had not considered it in years.

However, its appearance does not automatically establish that every detail is accurate.

It also does not necessarily mean that the childhood experience caused your current reaction.

Two memories may share an emotion or belief without one being the direct cause of the other.

You can notice the association without treating it as proof of a particular explanation.

Likewise, you do not need to dismiss an unexpected memory simply because you had not been thinking about it recently.

The useful approach is to recognize that it came to mind and consider how you currently respond to it.

When an uncertain memory involves childhood trauma, you can acknowledge the emotions connected to it without assuming every remembered detail is accurate.

Should You Write Down an Uncertain Memory?

You can make a brief note if you find it helpful, but it is not required.

For example, you might write:

"Remembered a school conversation. Not sure of the exact words. Felt embarrassed."

This separates what you remember from what you are uncertain about.

It also records the emotional response without adding details that you cannot confirm.

If you choose to keep session notes, it may be helpful to distinguish between:

• What you remember
• What you are unsure about
• What you thought or felt during the session
• Any changes you noticed in your response

For example, you might notice that the memory brought up sadness at the beginning of the session but felt less upsetting later.

That observation concerns your emotional response.

It does not establish whether the historical details are accurate.

You do not need to write a detailed account of every uncertain memory or repeatedly review your notes.

A few words may be enough to help you remember what you want to work on later.

What If the Uncertain Memory Involves Another Person?

Sometimes a memory may concern a conversation, disagreement, or other interaction with someone else.

You may remember your own feelings clearly while remaining uncertain about the other person's intentions or exact words.

For example, you might remember feeling dismissed during a family conversation.

However, you may not know whether the other person intended to dismiss you.

You can work with how the experience affected you without making a definite conclusion about the other person's motives.

If the factual details matter for a present-day decision, it may be useful to consider information beyond the memory itself, such as existing messages or other independent records.

EMDR cannot establish another person's intentions or confirm what happened.

You can distinguish between understanding your emotional response and determining the facts of a situation.

These are different tasks, and they do not have to be completed together.

Does an Uncertain Memory Mean EMDR Processing Is Not Working?

No. The appearance of an uncertain memory does not determine whether EMDR is effective.

Some sessions involve clearly remembered experiences.

Others may involve incomplete memories, emotions, thoughts, or related associations.

The number of details you remember is not a reliable measure of progress.

Instead, you may notice changes in how you respond to the experience.

For example:

• The memory feels less emotionally upsetting.
• A negative belief becomes less convincing.
• You can think about the situation from a different perspective.
• Physical tension connected to the memory becomes less noticeable.
• A related present-day situation feels easier to consider.

These changes can occur without resolving uncertainty about the event.

You do not need a complete or perfectly detailed memory for emotional processing to be meaningful.

What Does Research Say About Memory Accuracy and EMDR?

Research has examined how eye movements and memory-focused procedures may affect memory vividness, emotional intensity, and accuracy.

Studies have found that eye movements during memory recall can reduce vividness and emotional intensity.

Research concerning memory accuracy is more complicated.

Some experimental findings have suggested changes in certain memory errors, while other studies have not found the same effects.

Importantly, laboratory experiments involving eye movements are not always equivalent to a complete EMDR therapy session.

Current research does not establish that EMDR can verify memories or reliably recover historically accurate information.

It also does not establish that EMDR routinely causes people to remember events inaccurately.

This is why it is useful to separate emotional processing from factual verification.

You can notice changes in how a memory feels without treating those changes as evidence that the memory has become more or less accurate.

What About Uncertain Memories During Self-Guided EMDR?

The same principles apply when using a structured self-guided online EMDR program.

Virtual EMDR is a specific self-guided online program that allows users to work through EMDR sessions independently and manage their own pacing.

If an uncertain memory comes to mind, you can pause between bilateral stimulation sets and notice what you remember.

For example, you might remember a difficult interaction but feel unsure about exactly what happened during part of the conversation.

You can acknowledge the uncertainty while paying attention to the thoughts or emotions associated with the experience.

There is no need to reconstruct missing details or decide whether every part of the memory is accurate.

You may choose to continue with the current focus, return to your original target, or work with a related feeling or belief.

You can also save the memory for another session if you prefer.

The purpose is to work with your current experience rather than turn the session into an investigation of the past.

Conclusion

Uncertain memories that arise during EMDR do not need to be treated as completely accurate or false.

You can acknowledge what you remember, recognize which details remain unclear, and work with the thoughts, feelings, or beliefs connected to the experience.

There is no requirement to recover missing information, reconstruct the entire event, or reach a definite conclusion about what happened.

A memory can remain uncertain in some respects while its emotional impact changes.

Whether you are using therapist-guided or self-guided EMDR, the important distinction is between processing how an experience affects you now and establishing the historical facts of the past.

You can allow uncertainty where it exists while continuing to work with what is meaningful to you in the present.