What If Several Memories Feel Equally Important?

What If Several Memories Feel Equally Important?

Short Answer: If several memories feel equally important, you do not have to decide which one matters most before beginning EMDR. Start by identifying what the memories have in common, then choose one clear experience to focus on first. A memory that is easy to recognize and relevant to your current concern can be a useful starting point. The other memories still matter, and you can return to them separately if needed.

Key Takeaways

• Several important memories can relate to the same concern without requiring you to work on all of them at once.
• Choose one identifiable memory as a starting point rather than trying to rank every experience.
• A recent or clearly remembered event can be a practical choice even when an older memory also matters.
• Keep a brief note of other memories so you can consider them later without losing your current focus.

Why Several Memories Can Feel Equally Important

When you think about a problem you want to address with EMDR, more than one memory can come to mind. Perhaps you remember being criticized by a teacher, dismissed by a colleague, and interrupted during a family conversation. Each experience may stand out for a different reason. You might not see an obvious reason to choose one over the others.

This does not mean you have selected the wrong topic. Experiences can share a similar feeling or meaning even when they happened at different times. A concern such as feeling unheard may be connected to several distinct moments. Each memory can be meaningful without being the single event that explains everything.

The purpose of selecting a target is to give a session a recognizable focus. It is not to produce a definitive ranking of your life experiences. You can acknowledge that several events matter while still deciding to begin with one of them.

Do You Have to Find the Most Important Memory?

No. There is not always one memory that is clearly more important than all the others. Trying to identify the perfect choice can make preparation longer without making the target clearer. You might spend time comparing how upsetting each event was, how long ago it happened, or whether one seems to have influenced another.

Those comparisons are not required to choose a workable starting point. A memory can be relevant because it connects to the concern you want to address and because you can identify the experience. You do not have to prove that it was the original cause of your current feelings.

For example, if three conversations left you feeling dismissed, choosing the one you remember most clearly is a reasonable way to begin. That choice does not minimize the other two conversations. It simply establishes what you will focus on first.

Look for the Concern the Memories Share

Before choosing between several memories, notice whether they relate to the same concern. You might recognize a repeated feeling of embarrassment, rejection, disappointment, or helplessness. Or you might notice that different situations bring up a similar thought about yourself.

Consider someone who remembers being excluded from a school activity, overlooked for a project, and left out of a social gathering. These events are different, but the shared concern might be feeling excluded. Recognizing that connection can help clarify why all three memories came to mind.

You do not need to develop a complicated explanation linking the events. A simple description of the shared concern is enough. The memories might also turn out to be unrelated. If so, there is no need to force them into a single theme.

Once you have identified what you want to work on, return to the individual experiences. The shared concern explains why they are relevant, while one particular memory provides the target for the session.

Choose One Clear Memory to Begin With

When several memories seem equally relevant, a practical starting point is the one you can identify most easily. It might be a conversation, a particular image, or a moment when something happened. You do not need an exact date or a complete account of the event.

Suppose you remember several occasions when your ideas were ignored. One memory might be especially easy to picture because you remember the meeting room and the response you received. You could begin with that event even if another experience was more recent or seemed more upsetting.

A clear target is specific enough that you know which experience you mean. “The meeting when my suggestion was dismissed” is more useful for this purpose than “all the times nobody listened to me.” The broader phrase describes a concern, but it does not identify a single experience.

If two memories are equally clear and relevant, either can be a reasonable starting point. You can choose the one most closely connected to what you want to address today. If neither stands out, selecting one does not make the other less important.

Should You Start With the Earliest or Most Upsetting Memory?

Not necessarily. Some EMDR treatment plans explore earlier experiences that connect with a current concern. Other times, a recent situation offers a clear and practical place to begin. Neither approach means that every person must start with the oldest memory.

The most upsetting memory is not automatically the best first choice either. The intensity of a memory tells you something about how it feels now, but it does not by itself establish where you must begin. You can select a relevant experience without comparing every memory on a scale of importance.

If you already have a structured treatment plan, the order of targets may be part of that plan. Otherwise, when you are deciding between several possible starting points, clarity and relevance are useful considerations. You can revisit the order later as your understanding develops.

What If the Memories Involve Different People or Situations?

Several memories can feel equally important even when they involve different people. A difficult conversation with a parent may remind you of a disagreement with a friend or a comment from a supervisor. The circumstances are not identical, but your reaction to them may feel familiar.

You can decide whether you are interested in the shared response or in one particular relationship or event. If your concern is how you respond to criticism, the memories may be different examples of that pattern. If your concern is a specific friendship, the memory connected to that friendship may be the more relevant starting point.

There is no need to combine different people and situations into one large target. Doing so can make it harder to identify which experience you are focusing on. Choose one event, while keeping the broader concern in mind as context.

If the memories relate to entirely different concerns, consider them as separate possibilities. You can choose which concern you want to address now without resolving every other issue at the same time. For example, a memory about a friendship and one about a workplace setback can both matter without needing to be addressed as a single issue. Their importance does not depend on having the same theme.

Keep the Other Memories Without Trying to Process Them Together

Once you choose a target, it can be useful to write down the other memories in a few words. A short list might include “school presentation,” “conversation with my sister,” and “feedback at work.” You do not need to write a detailed account of each event.

In EMDR, related thoughts and memories can arise during processing. That is different from deliberately selecting several separate targets and trying to work through them all at once. A session can begin with one defined memory even if other associations appear along the way.

Whether EMDR takes place in person, online with a therapist, or through a program such as Virtual EMDR, identifying a clear starting target can help keep preparation focused. You can note additional memories without treating each one as a separate task to complete immediately.

What If Your Choice Changes After You Begin?

You might choose one memory and later realize that another event feels more connected to your concern. That does not mean your original choice was a mistake. Your understanding of the experiences may become clearer as you reflect on them.

If you are still preparing, you can change your selection before beginning. If you are already in a structured processing exercise, distinguish between memories that arise naturally and a deliberate decision to switch targets. You do not need to keep restarting the exercise every time a related memory appears.

If you decide that a different memory deserves its own attention, make a note of it for a later session or planning step. That gives you room to reconsider without turning every new association into an immediate change of direction.

Conclusion

When several memories feel equally important, you do not need to rank them before beginning EMDR. Consider what they share, select one recognizable event connected to your current concern, and keep the others available for later consideration. You can review your choice as you gain a clearer understanding of what you want to address.